I'll start by listing the things I thought would be true by the time I was 50, and what I thought 50 would look and feel like.

1) I'd have at least one, but probably two kids.  And they'd be college aged.

2) I'd have a really exciting and successful career as an actor, or artist, or something creative.

3) I'd look old.  Feel tired.  Grey hair, etc.  Hoped I wouldn't be fat.

4) I'd own a home and a car and be financially stable.  Hopefully even well-off.

5) I'd be married.  To the father of above-mentioned kids.


And how does my life at 48 look compared to my expectations?

1) No kids. Sill ambivalent about that.  Although, really, ambivalence is a choice in the end, isn't it?  That's a big suitcase to unpack, for sure!

2) Not an exciting and creative career.  But I do have a job.  The same job for 9 years, so I guess it could be considered a career.  But it's not my life's calling, for sure.  Ooh.  Unpack that:  Life Calling.  Life is Calling, will you answer? Hello, this is Life calling?  Are you there?

3) I don't think I look "old".  I definitely don't look like I'm 24 - but I don't look like what I (still) feel 50 looks like.  I'm not fat.  I think I look pretty great, actually.  For 48. For any age. Still, would love to have the boundless energy and tiny boobies of my 24 year old self.

4) I do own a home.  Actually, my husband owns it.  He pays the mortgage.  And pretty much everything else.  So yeah, financially stable - but not independently so.  Would definitely not have what I have if it were not for Tom.  Or would I?....another unpack-able piece of baggage.

5) Married.  Twice.  Three times if you count Adam, which I kind of do since he was such a big part of my life.  Three is a charm, as they say.  Tom is the final one.  The one I plan to stick with on the forever-plan.  But we don't have kids.  So, there's a bit of "what if" regret there.  More unpacking to do.

I've done a pretty good job of packing, I'd say! Lots of stuff packed nice and tight and kind of all tangled up, too.  Which means a whole helluva lot of laundry to do.